I feel that I've become really philosophical about crap at work.
I try to be.
It's not really that hard actually but it does require a little bit of effort.
Effort in letting go of things beyond my control.
And all it really needs is that.
Letting go.
And finding peace 0f mind.
Yesterday was a particularly trying day at work where I got so busy I had no time for lunch. My mind was so addled (from adding?) that all I could manage was an aimless stroll in Chatswood where the bright lights of the shopping mall were comfortingly distracting.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Sung myself hoarse today at the karaoke (pronounced Care-Ree-oh-key) session with some folks at work today. What's the thing with karaoke and white people.
Place a mic in a white person's hands and he/she suddenly turns into a robbie williams/ mariah carey wannabe, gyrating their hips and contorting their faces (for greater effect i suppose). They aren't singing mind you... oh no no no... proper singing at a karaoke session with white people is a cardinal singing. Shouting and going off-key is the RIGHT way. *HEAR HEAR* Afterall, where's the fun in one (or two) person(s) singing whilst the rest solemnly sit around and "appreciate" (honestly, no one really listens when karaoke gets competitive... people just get restless and impatient waiting for their songs to start).
The beauty of having rowdy karaoke sessions is at the end of the night, everyone leaves feeling slightly closer to their fellow croonies or crooners (Depending on how wild the night went). Thanks to good training from me dad, I was able to keep up with the oldies in the group. Folks that sang oldies like delilah, layla, New York New York et cetera...
Fun songs to keep in mind for future karaoke sessions are:
1. Uptown girl (definitely a great group singalong)
2. Can't take my eyes of you (My personal fave)
3. This love (Maroon 5)
4. oh bla di oh bla da (Beatles)
5. you've lost that loving feeling (righteous brothers)
6. Summer days (??)
Place a mic in a white person's hands and he/she suddenly turns into a robbie williams/ mariah carey wannabe, gyrating their hips and contorting their faces (for greater effect i suppose). They aren't singing mind you... oh no no no... proper singing at a karaoke session with white people is a cardinal singing. Shouting and going off-key is the RIGHT way. *HEAR HEAR* Afterall, where's the fun in one (or two) person(s) singing whilst the rest solemnly sit around and "appreciate" (honestly, no one really listens when karaoke gets competitive... people just get restless and impatient waiting for their songs to start).
The beauty of having rowdy karaoke sessions is at the end of the night, everyone leaves feeling slightly closer to their fellow croonies or crooners (Depending on how wild the night went). Thanks to good training from me dad, I was able to keep up with the oldies in the group. Folks that sang oldies like delilah, layla, New York New York et cetera...
Fun songs to keep in mind for future karaoke sessions are:
1. Uptown girl (definitely a great group singalong)
2. Can't take my eyes of you (My personal fave)
3. This love (Maroon 5)
4. oh bla di oh bla da (Beatles)
5. you've lost that loving feeling (righteous brothers)
6. Summer days (??)
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
The long weekend is most unfortunately over.
Sigh...
the shite thing about holidays are the end of it all, when you pack your bags, heavy with shopping you paid for with money meant for your rent for the next couple of weeks. Money you really shouldn't have spent and the weight of the luggage makes your back feel like its about to snap like a toothpick. But most of all, you feel the weight of the impending drudgery you will face once getting back. The piles of laundry, other household chores, work, colleagues, my once beloved routine, leaving my cousins behind. I dread all of them.
I feel restless.
I get back to Sydney and I feel like I should go out and do something. Not waste the what's left of the public holiday. It is afterall only 2:30 pm when I land.
In the end, I stay home and decided to pen down my thoughts over this long weekend.
I swear, if people stop blogging, msn, random internet surfing and put the time to productive use, we could probably seriously enhance the economy of one if not a few third world countries.
anyway, i digress...
1. hen's night
Hen's night wasn't too exciting. As expected. I hope it's because of the generation gap of the hen's night participants and myself. My idea of fun is certainly not sitting in some dim lit pub, answering silly questions and drinking because i've gotten them wrong and then going home.
in my own defense, I tried to get the party to liven up a little. the idea was that jean had to fulfil some assigned tasks. the first and only one we managed was that she should find a random guy, tell him that there was a group of horny women who wanted a mass orgy with only one guy and that he was the lucky one, convince him to follow her back to our table and then make him buy her a drink.
as luck would have it, all the cute guys in the room were in groups with other girls. not wanting to step on anyone'e toes, we left those alone. only the creeps and the impecabbly dressed faggots (obviously) were either standing alone nursing their beers or in all-male groups.
anyway, let's make this short. jean settled for a creepy guy who seemed to be high on some substance. when he found out jean was getting married the next day, he agreed to buy her a drink on condition i give him a kiss.
although i was feeling a little wild that night (anything to liven up a party), i wasn't sure if I was about to disappoint my boyfriend with someone that wasn't (in my books) attractive at all. Plus, his apparent altered state of consciousness was quite unsettling and he had a side kick that reminded me of the undertaker cum baby huey, ie, curly oily looking hair with a demeanor of someone slightly retarded.
after persisting for what felt like a lifetime, mr creepy gave up and bought jean a drink after borrowing some cash from his croonies. poor guy.
the mood was ruined and everyone became much more subdued after that. or rather, i became more subdued and hence, the party (if you can even call it that) petered out into a quiet mumur and i think I may even have almost dozed off a few times.
2. Buck's night
The guys weren't answering any of our phonecalls. bleah... only at about 130am did Mart disclose their whereabouts. Bar 20. In marty's own words, "it's..... classy"
Yuming and I decided to head off to bar 20. We reckoned that was where the fun really was.
the girls at bar 20 were really good. Much better than the ones I have seen in Sydney. great figures, great dancers and even better performers. the place wasn't as seedy as the ones in sydney too.
i must admit, i found the idea of my boyfriend visiting a strip club felt quite disturbing because it brought back memories of jerko david who visited seedy nightclubs even when he was with me. of course i was kept in the dark.
I don't know if i'm supposed to be accepting of behaviour like that.
it seems to be a case of double standards.
Why is it ok for a guy to go to a strip club, pay money so that a girl could touch and tantalise him but yet unacceptable if i did the same to another guy?
mart's explanation is that guys aren't allowed to touch the girls at the strip club, hence.
somehow, i begin to realise that no matter how much i try to understand the male species, I'll never be able to fully put myself in their shoes. to understand their ability to seperate love from lust.
I don't think i would want to hurt the person i love by making out with someone else i was lusting after even though it is lust and only lust i feel for the other person. I also do not think that i would justify my actions by saying that t'was all in the name of good fun or it doesn't meant a thing. Because, shouldn't the feelings of your loved one matter the most?
perhaps it's an unavoidable business practice in asia to entertain at nightclubs with female escorts. but unavoidable and ingrained does not mean women should be apathetic and accepting about such behavior.
it's either the men should stop their perving or let's see some male strip clubs and nightclubs with male escorts only!!!
Sigh...
the shite thing about holidays are the end of it all, when you pack your bags, heavy with shopping you paid for with money meant for your rent for the next couple of weeks. Money you really shouldn't have spent and the weight of the luggage makes your back feel like its about to snap like a toothpick. But most of all, you feel the weight of the impending drudgery you will face once getting back. The piles of laundry, other household chores, work, colleagues, my once beloved routine, leaving my cousins behind. I dread all of them.
I feel restless.
I get back to Sydney and I feel like I should go out and do something. Not waste the what's left of the public holiday. It is afterall only 2:30 pm when I land.
In the end, I stay home and decided to pen down my thoughts over this long weekend.
I swear, if people stop blogging, msn, random internet surfing and put the time to productive use, we could probably seriously enhance the economy of one if not a few third world countries.
anyway, i digress...
1. hen's night
Hen's night wasn't too exciting. As expected. I hope it's because of the generation gap of the hen's night participants and myself. My idea of fun is certainly not sitting in some dim lit pub, answering silly questions and drinking because i've gotten them wrong and then going home.
in my own defense, I tried to get the party to liven up a little. the idea was that jean had to fulfil some assigned tasks. the first and only one we managed was that she should find a random guy, tell him that there was a group of horny women who wanted a mass orgy with only one guy and that he was the lucky one, convince him to follow her back to our table and then make him buy her a drink.
as luck would have it, all the cute guys in the room were in groups with other girls. not wanting to step on anyone'e toes, we left those alone. only the creeps and the impecabbly dressed faggots (obviously) were either standing alone nursing their beers or in all-male groups.
anyway, let's make this short. jean settled for a creepy guy who seemed to be high on some substance. when he found out jean was getting married the next day, he agreed to buy her a drink on condition i give him a kiss.
although i was feeling a little wild that night (anything to liven up a party), i wasn't sure if I was about to disappoint my boyfriend with someone that wasn't (in my books) attractive at all. Plus, his apparent altered state of consciousness was quite unsettling and he had a side kick that reminded me of the undertaker cum baby huey, ie, curly oily looking hair with a demeanor of someone slightly retarded.
after persisting for what felt like a lifetime, mr creepy gave up and bought jean a drink after borrowing some cash from his croonies. poor guy.
the mood was ruined and everyone became much more subdued after that. or rather, i became more subdued and hence, the party (if you can even call it that) petered out into a quiet mumur and i think I may even have almost dozed off a few times.
2. Buck's night
The guys weren't answering any of our phonecalls. bleah... only at about 130am did Mart disclose their whereabouts. Bar 20. In marty's own words, "it's..... classy"
Yuming and I decided to head off to bar 20. We reckoned that was where the fun really was.
the girls at bar 20 were really good. Much better than the ones I have seen in Sydney. great figures, great dancers and even better performers. the place wasn't as seedy as the ones in sydney too.
i must admit, i found the idea of my boyfriend visiting a strip club felt quite disturbing because it brought back memories of jerko david who visited seedy nightclubs even when he was with me. of course i was kept in the dark.
I don't know if i'm supposed to be accepting of behaviour like that.
it seems to be a case of double standards.
Why is it ok for a guy to go to a strip club, pay money so that a girl could touch and tantalise him but yet unacceptable if i did the same to another guy?
mart's explanation is that guys aren't allowed to touch the girls at the strip club, hence.
somehow, i begin to realise that no matter how much i try to understand the male species, I'll never be able to fully put myself in their shoes. to understand their ability to seperate love from lust.
I don't think i would want to hurt the person i love by making out with someone else i was lusting after even though it is lust and only lust i feel for the other person. I also do not think that i would justify my actions by saying that t'was all in the name of good fun or it doesn't meant a thing. Because, shouldn't the feelings of your loved one matter the most?
perhaps it's an unavoidable business practice in asia to entertain at nightclubs with female escorts. but unavoidable and ingrained does not mean women should be apathetic and accepting about such behavior.
it's either the men should stop their perving or let's see some male strip clubs and nightclubs with male escorts only!!!
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Wedding insanity
What is it about weddings, family ones in particular, that cause people to go slightly mad.
All marriageable aged family members who have yet to tie the knot would inevitably be interrogated not too differently, I imagine, from how the Gestapo interrogated their hapless victims, until they crumble into a dithering heap, surrender and agree to get hitched in the next year.
Mart and I were put under the grinding knife last night at Jean and Marcus' wedding reception. Now ordinarily, considering how I'm the "next in line" of the cousins, I really shouldn't be too surprised. However, they fail to realise that we've only been together for THREE MONTHS!!!
The hints started dropping when Andrew asked over cocktails when the next part was going to be held. The next party in Sydney. I did a major eyeroll that probably scored a 9/10. As if on cue, everyone started.
At the VIP dining table, I seated Mart beside Uncle Richard, thinking he would be safe there but uh uh... after getting a little sloshed, Uncle Richard got a little chatty and started his banter as he heartily clapped mart the on shoulder...
"so... when are you getting married?"
it was at first amusing the laugh at Mart's discomfort but as the night wore on, even I had sympathy for him. I mean, these people were family and even though I had my fair share of ribbing, I could laugh and brush them aside. I could afford to be a little "rude" but Mart had to plaster a smile to his face even though he must have felt like shoving a foot into my uncle's throat. I know i did.
sometimes oldies drive me insane.
fortunately, mum was mum... haha
even at the after wedding party, we were not spared.
the most annoying thing was how everyone made out like I didn't have a choice. That mart was the one who was the all deciding factor in us getting hitched.
hrrmph
"hello" a girl can say no can't she?
ppffft
in the end, I realised the best way was to openly admit that a wedding will be on the cards in the next year or so, drink down a toast from "well-wishers" and laugh it off.
I'm just glad mart hasn't decided to pack his bags and leave. I mean, which guy appreciates being arm twisted into an awkward situation like that?
or maybe he has already decided to but is just biding his time...
....
....
All marriageable aged family members who have yet to tie the knot would inevitably be interrogated not too differently, I imagine, from how the Gestapo interrogated their hapless victims, until they crumble into a dithering heap, surrender and agree to get hitched in the next year.
Mart and I were put under the grinding knife last night at Jean and Marcus' wedding reception. Now ordinarily, considering how I'm the "next in line" of the cousins, I really shouldn't be too surprised. However, they fail to realise that we've only been together for THREE MONTHS!!!
The hints started dropping when Andrew asked over cocktails when the next part was going to be held. The next party in Sydney. I did a major eyeroll that probably scored a 9/10. As if on cue, everyone started.
At the VIP dining table, I seated Mart beside Uncle Richard, thinking he would be safe there but uh uh... after getting a little sloshed, Uncle Richard got a little chatty and started his banter as he heartily clapped mart the on shoulder...
"so... when are you getting married?"
it was at first amusing the laugh at Mart's discomfort but as the night wore on, even I had sympathy for him. I mean, these people were family and even though I had my fair share of ribbing, I could laugh and brush them aside. I could afford to be a little "rude" but Mart had to plaster a smile to his face even though he must have felt like shoving a foot into my uncle's throat. I know i did.
sometimes oldies drive me insane.
fortunately, mum was mum... haha
even at the after wedding party, we were not spared.
the most annoying thing was how everyone made out like I didn't have a choice. That mart was the one who was the all deciding factor in us getting hitched.
hrrmph
"hello" a girl can say no can't she?
ppffft
in the end, I realised the best way was to openly admit that a wedding will be on the cards in the next year or so, drink down a toast from "well-wishers" and laugh it off.
I'm just glad mart hasn't decided to pack his bags and leave. I mean, which guy appreciates being arm twisted into an awkward situation like that?
or maybe he has already decided to but is just biding his time...
....
....
Thursday, April 13, 2006
After much a do, which included fuck ups in domestic flight tickets, train rides to the airport et al, I finally managed to make my way to melbourne.
Kinda disappointed because I was expecting to fall in love with the city after hearing so much about how "european" it is. Unfortunately, the towering skyscapers were the first to greet me as I neared the city and it reminded me too much of Singapore for me to be impressed in anyway.
Perhaps I'm just a tough customer.
Anyway, in a bid to buy a dress for Jean's wedding, Mart and I went crazy shopping around. The shopping here is definitely way more overwhelming than Sydney. There are so many boutiques on every single street to do boutique shopping would be too stressful for me to handle so I decided to stick to the safe departmental stores and did a damage of *ahem* almost $500 in the first afternoon of shopping :P
At night, we head over to an italian restaurant where Mart's friend is a chef there and have a freaking 8 course dinner with champagne
1. pizza dough balls with anchovies, chilli and zuchini flower breaded and fried
2. caprese salad
Honestly, after the caprese salad I was pretty happy to place my fork down, rub my belly and call it a night... little did I know it was just the beginning....
3. buckwheat pasta and potato with butter sauce, sage (or maybe some other herb) fried crisp in butter
4. There's something here although i can't quite remember what
5. Prawns wrapped in prosciutto with potato and lemon salad
6. Rabbit ragout and thin fettucine
7. lamb with tomato salad
8. Eggplant ball in napoleonese sauce
9. Crepe suzette and vanilla ice cream and coffee... (good good coffee)
The food was good though... =)
after dinner, we both so exhausted we came back immediately and slept... zzz
Kinda disappointed because I was expecting to fall in love with the city after hearing so much about how "european" it is. Unfortunately, the towering skyscapers were the first to greet me as I neared the city and it reminded me too much of Singapore for me to be impressed in anyway.
Perhaps I'm just a tough customer.
Anyway, in a bid to buy a dress for Jean's wedding, Mart and I went crazy shopping around. The shopping here is definitely way more overwhelming than Sydney. There are so many boutiques on every single street to do boutique shopping would be too stressful for me to handle so I decided to stick to the safe departmental stores and did a damage of *ahem* almost $500 in the first afternoon of shopping :P
At night, we head over to an italian restaurant where Mart's friend is a chef there and have a freaking 8 course dinner with champagne
1. pizza dough balls with anchovies, chilli and zuchini flower breaded and fried
2. caprese salad
Honestly, after the caprese salad I was pretty happy to place my fork down, rub my belly and call it a night... little did I know it was just the beginning....
3. buckwheat pasta and potato with butter sauce, sage (or maybe some other herb) fried crisp in butter
4. There's something here although i can't quite remember what
5. Prawns wrapped in prosciutto with potato and lemon salad
6. Rabbit ragout and thin fettucine
7. lamb with tomato salad
8. Eggplant ball in napoleonese sauce
9. Crepe suzette and vanilla ice cream and coffee... (good good coffee)
The food was good though... =)
after dinner, we both so exhausted we came back immediately and slept... zzz
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
So Torin, the dude mart helped me make friends with on rsvp said "hi" to me last night and we started chatting.
So i asked Torin what he did for a living to which he replied "i'm a free lance journalist... i can help you with your english if you like =P"
I guffawed...
It's been a long running joke amongst some of us here. Being Asian, non-australian and living in Australia, it's often that the aussies/white people are impressed by Singaporeans' command of English.
"oh you speak really good English" they say whilst smiling ever so sweetly at you. Thinking they've paid you the compliment of a lifetime without realising how idiotic they've just made themselves out to be.
to digress a little,
i found it really funny once when mart complained about how an ignorant american remarked on his good english. It was funny hearing the indignation in his voice. See the parallel here??
and now, back to the point...
so now, whenever mart tries to take the piss, he tells people that i speak good english. And then we both snigger knowingly
anyway, when torin said he could help me out with my english, mart was there to. It was so hilarious. how we laughed.
and i continued my conversation with torin, making the extra effort to be grammatically incorrect.
"wow thanks you very much... my english needs most improvement" says me
" so is your boyfriend from sydney or singapore?"
"mine boyfriend is from sydney"
Meanwhile, Mart accuses me of being mean and asks me to stop
I get annoyed and insist Mart's cramping my style...
"or soon to be ex" i type spitefully in front of Mart... *hah*
this gets torin really excited...
"oohhhh soon to be ex... you're breaking up with him?"
I imagine him salivating
"hah he cramping me style" --> Mart thought this sounded more cavewomanish than bad english
"ooh yeah... that's nto good" says Torin...
"what's NTO" i ask *innocently*
NTO?? who needs help with english now huh??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So the saga continues today...
Torin sees me online and says hi again.
He asks me what et puis means...
"it means and then in french my dear ignorant one" i replied
I guess i'm in a cheeky mood...
he asks me for inspiration to write travel pieces as his portfolio for a travel magazine interview...
Still feeling cheeky, i suggest writing a piece about travelling in time. A holiday in France in the 1700s... quite clever i thought... i mean if you could sell a holiday in France in the 1700s to me then you could probably sell ice to eskimos... and it was funny
then he asks me if the girl in my msn picture Amanda is my friend...
to which i replied... yeah or maybe she's a random stranger or maybe i'm lesbian and she's my girlfriend
he was deaf to my sarcasm and eagerly asked if Amanda was single.
"you'd hope so" i type *boy is this guy desperate*
"so do you think she and & me could be couple?"
*oh my gawd*
Someone bring in the restrainers
"are you white? doesn't look like it... fraid not then... maybe you could colour your hair blonde"
"what about you... are you still with your bf? or u single now?"
*ARRRGHHH!!!*
Rabid dog on the loose.
Hello!!! i just told you i have a bf like less than 24 hours ago...
"my my... you're quite keen aren't you? unfortunately, i'm still happily attached to my boyfriend."
"but we can still be friends right?"
"i have my doubts... you freak me out with the things you say"
I go for my shower.... after which, i found he left me this message on my com
"so you don't want to chat anymore? that ok :) (--> note the smiley before the rant)
to be honest, i think you're the strange one... last night ur telling me how you wanna break up with your bf, 2nite you say the opposite & when i ask you about travel story you tell me write a story from the year 1781!!! ur a freak dont msg me anymore ok"
I laugh somemore
and my boyfriend reprimands me for getting off on upsetting strangers
:'(
can't a girl have some fun? doesn't anyone have a sense of humour anymore??
*grumble*
So i asked Torin what he did for a living to which he replied "i'm a free lance journalist... i can help you with your english if you like =P"
I guffawed...
It's been a long running joke amongst some of us here. Being Asian, non-australian and living in Australia, it's often that the aussies/white people are impressed by Singaporeans' command of English.
"oh you speak really good English" they say whilst smiling ever so sweetly at you. Thinking they've paid you the compliment of a lifetime without realising how idiotic they've just made themselves out to be.
to digress a little,
i found it really funny once when mart complained about how an ignorant american remarked on his good english. It was funny hearing the indignation in his voice. See the parallel here??
and now, back to the point...
so now, whenever mart tries to take the piss, he tells people that i speak good english. And then we both snigger knowingly
anyway, when torin said he could help me out with my english, mart was there to. It was so hilarious. how we laughed.
and i continued my conversation with torin, making the extra effort to be grammatically incorrect.
"wow thanks you very much... my english needs most improvement" says me
" so is your boyfriend from sydney or singapore?"
"mine boyfriend is from sydney"
Meanwhile, Mart accuses me of being mean and asks me to stop
I get annoyed and insist Mart's cramping my style...
"or soon to be ex" i type spitefully in front of Mart... *hah*
this gets torin really excited...
"oohhhh soon to be ex... you're breaking up with him?"
I imagine him salivating
"hah he cramping me style" --> Mart thought this sounded more cavewomanish than bad english
"ooh yeah... that's nto good" says Torin...
"what's NTO" i ask *innocently*
NTO?? who needs help with english now huh??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So the saga continues today...
Torin sees me online and says hi again.
He asks me what et puis means...
"it means and then in french my dear ignorant one" i replied
I guess i'm in a cheeky mood...
he asks me for inspiration to write travel pieces as his portfolio for a travel magazine interview...
Still feeling cheeky, i suggest writing a piece about travelling in time. A holiday in France in the 1700s... quite clever i thought... i mean if you could sell a holiday in France in the 1700s to me then you could probably sell ice to eskimos... and it was funny
then he asks me if the girl in my msn picture Amanda is my friend...
to which i replied... yeah or maybe she's a random stranger or maybe i'm lesbian and she's my girlfriend
he was deaf to my sarcasm and eagerly asked if Amanda was single.
"you'd hope so" i type *boy is this guy desperate*
"so do you think she and & me could be couple?"
*oh my gawd*
Someone bring in the restrainers
"are you white? doesn't look like it... fraid not then... maybe you could colour your hair blonde"
"what about you... are you still with your bf? or u single now?"
*ARRRGHHH!!!*
Rabid dog on the loose.
Hello!!! i just told you i have a bf like less than 24 hours ago...
"my my... you're quite keen aren't you? unfortunately, i'm still happily attached to my boyfriend."
"but we can still be friends right?"
"i have my doubts... you freak me out with the things you say"
I go for my shower.... after which, i found he left me this message on my com
"so you don't want to chat anymore? that ok :) (--> note the smiley before the rant)
to be honest, i think you're the strange one... last night ur telling me how you wanna break up with your bf, 2nite you say the opposite & when i ask you about travel story you tell me write a story from the year 1781!!! ur a freak dont msg me anymore ok"
I laugh somemore
and my boyfriend reprimands me for getting off on upsetting strangers
:'(
can't a girl have some fun? doesn't anyone have a sense of humour anymore??
*grumble*
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Had dinner with Mart's extended family today at a chinese restaurant in Chatswood. It reminded me of the dinners with my extended family back home... the lazy susan and a round table, relatives all squashed cosily around the table, inane banter about everything from baby names to work and of course, not forgetting, reminscing... plus, great food from crabs to abalone to fish...
even though alot of conversation was lost on me, it was still nostalgic and suddenly, a crazy idea came into my head... i wondered if perhaps I should go back home one day... permanently...
life in Singapore is rather monotonous. There's only so much I can do there. From going to wala's, to shopping at orchard road, bugis or city hall, to having supper... I don't really club much so there goes MOS, MS and zouk... work there is crap too... petty policitics, unreasonable slave drivers and lack of staff welfare. But what Sydney can't give to me that only Singapore can is family...
I wish i had family around me to depend on... they'd be good for calling when I get a flat tyre and an unreliable boyfriend. Cousins would be good for catching up over coffee and having dinners. Nephews and nieces would be good to play with and spoil. Watching them grow up...
and I guess because i was brought up to be filial, a part of me feels I should spend more time with my gran and me folks...
But if i were to be realistic about the possibility of me going home, then I'd admit that would be really low if not impossible.
I've always lamented about how crappy Singaporean men can be... it is so hard to find an agreeable singaporean male whilst living in singapore. Now that I'm away and the ratio of singaporean men to non-singaporean men is so much more unfavourable, i can't imagine how i'd be able to meet a singaporean man whom i'd like and who would be interested in me too...
Plus, i'm already seeing and Australian/irish/chinese
So.... Since i don't think i'd ever go out with a Singaporean again, hence, I'd never be compelled to go home and therefore, i can just kiss my big chinese family dinners goodbye.
i guess i could always ingratiate myself with mart's extended family and live my big chinese "family" dinners vicariously through him and his family... all of them were warm and friendly
cept for Bev who happens to be mart's closest cousin. I think she's my age. call it intuition (although i call it common sense) but i'm pretty sure Bev doesn't like me. the reason is unbeknownst to me. afterall, I've only met her twice but then again, people tend not to need good reasons to dislike one another. All i know is that she made me uncomfortable the first time we met and today, the second time, she didn't say a single word to me (bear in mind, everyone else in the family all seemed excited to meet me), which is just the kind of cold attitude you'd intentionally put on to make someone new to a group feel uncomfortable.
But i'm not the grovelling sort so i'll leave ingratiation to another day.
So for now, i'm family-less in sydney... bleah
even though alot of conversation was lost on me, it was still nostalgic and suddenly, a crazy idea came into my head... i wondered if perhaps I should go back home one day... permanently...
life in Singapore is rather monotonous. There's only so much I can do there. From going to wala's, to shopping at orchard road, bugis or city hall, to having supper... I don't really club much so there goes MOS, MS and zouk... work there is crap too... petty policitics, unreasonable slave drivers and lack of staff welfare. But what Sydney can't give to me that only Singapore can is family...
I wish i had family around me to depend on... they'd be good for calling when I get a flat tyre and an unreliable boyfriend. Cousins would be good for catching up over coffee and having dinners. Nephews and nieces would be good to play with and spoil. Watching them grow up...
and I guess because i was brought up to be filial, a part of me feels I should spend more time with my gran and me folks...
But if i were to be realistic about the possibility of me going home, then I'd admit that would be really low if not impossible.
I've always lamented about how crappy Singaporean men can be... it is so hard to find an agreeable singaporean male whilst living in singapore. Now that I'm away and the ratio of singaporean men to non-singaporean men is so much more unfavourable, i can't imagine how i'd be able to meet a singaporean man whom i'd like and who would be interested in me too...
Plus, i'm already seeing and Australian/irish/chinese
So.... Since i don't think i'd ever go out with a Singaporean again, hence, I'd never be compelled to go home and therefore, i can just kiss my big chinese family dinners goodbye.
i guess i could always ingratiate myself with mart's extended family and live my big chinese "family" dinners vicariously through him and his family... all of them were warm and friendly
cept for Bev who happens to be mart's closest cousin. I think she's my age. call it intuition (although i call it common sense) but i'm pretty sure Bev doesn't like me. the reason is unbeknownst to me. afterall, I've only met her twice but then again, people tend not to need good reasons to dislike one another. All i know is that she made me uncomfortable the first time we met and today, the second time, she didn't say a single word to me (bear in mind, everyone else in the family all seemed excited to meet me), which is just the kind of cold attitude you'd intentionally put on to make someone new to a group feel uncomfortable.
But i'm not the grovelling sort so i'll leave ingratiation to another day.
So for now, i'm family-less in sydney... bleah
Saturday, April 08, 2006
I was upset with myself this morning.
Upset because I felt fat.
Of late, I've been using the word "prerogative" a fair bit to excuse my insane behavior. Everything insane is a girl's prerogative.
Anyway, feeling fat once in a while is a girl's prerogative. Feeling fat and upset and taking it out on anyone within 2 metres of you is a girl's prerogative.
Feeling fat and upset enough to take it out on your dysenteric boyfriend who happens to be running up a temperature whilst trying to reassure you that you are still as lovely as ever is however just poor behavior.
Thankfully my boyfriend is great most of the time (not so great with car trouble though)
Anyway, from feeling fat, a whole host of other discontentments with my life surfaced... Like feeling pissed off that I haven't been conscious of my spending, like not being adult enough to take care of my paperwork (seriously, paperwork, bureaucracy and red tape will be the death of us all), like letting my life just waste away (mmm... rotting away.... my favourite indulgence).
And the more I thought about how much crap I had in my life, the more I felt helpless. So i flopped myself on my bed and moped my morning away. Which wasn't much help of course but sometimes, wallowing (which is my other favourite indulgence) is a girl's prerogative too.
I knew i was acting like i'd forgot my meds.
Heck, it was a beautiful day outside... the skies were a brilliant blue and the sun was shinning so brightly it would have been hard to feel miserable but Mindy prevailed and managed to put a shadow over herself. Ahhh *pats self on back* I wasn't an ex-depressive all those years for nothing...
Although, in mitigation, I would like to add that in between my moping, i did had flashes of lucidity, albeit short ones. I did try to pull my socks up and put on a cheerful grin. And twice, we almost made it out of the house to enjoy a beautiful day together. Almost...
I'd like to think that it was for the best anyway that we didn't cos the poor boy started running a temperature... maybe it was from all the efforts he had to exert to pacify ME... :( My bad... so in an act of penance, i made him peanut and chicken congee (mmm..... reminds me of times when i fall sick and mom makes that)
I guess girls are like that. It's not an excuse but all girls get days like that don't they? days when they feel lumpy and frumpy... days where they just want to curl up and the world to disappear... and it's nice when you have punching bag boyfriends on those days... boyfriends that can take the hit and come bouncing back like a Bu Dao Wong =)
he says i'm childish. *hrmph*
*stomps feet and flops on ground, kicking heels into the floor*
someone once said, not too long ago "but i really love you and sometimes i make mistakes"
Upset because I felt fat.
Of late, I've been using the word "prerogative" a fair bit to excuse my insane behavior. Everything insane is a girl's prerogative.
Anyway, feeling fat once in a while is a girl's prerogative. Feeling fat and upset and taking it out on anyone within 2 metres of you is a girl's prerogative.
Feeling fat and upset enough to take it out on your dysenteric boyfriend who happens to be running up a temperature whilst trying to reassure you that you are still as lovely as ever is however just poor behavior.
Thankfully my boyfriend is great most of the time (not so great with car trouble though)
Anyway, from feeling fat, a whole host of other discontentments with my life surfaced... Like feeling pissed off that I haven't been conscious of my spending, like not being adult enough to take care of my paperwork (seriously, paperwork, bureaucracy and red tape will be the death of us all), like letting my life just waste away (mmm... rotting away.... my favourite indulgence).
And the more I thought about how much crap I had in my life, the more I felt helpless. So i flopped myself on my bed and moped my morning away. Which wasn't much help of course but sometimes, wallowing (which is my other favourite indulgence) is a girl's prerogative too.
I knew i was acting like i'd forgot my meds.
Heck, it was a beautiful day outside... the skies were a brilliant blue and the sun was shinning so brightly it would have been hard to feel miserable but Mindy prevailed and managed to put a shadow over herself. Ahhh *pats self on back* I wasn't an ex-depressive all those years for nothing...
Although, in mitigation, I would like to add that in between my moping, i did had flashes of lucidity, albeit short ones. I did try to pull my socks up and put on a cheerful grin. And twice, we almost made it out of the house to enjoy a beautiful day together. Almost...
I'd like to think that it was for the best anyway that we didn't cos the poor boy started running a temperature... maybe it was from all the efforts he had to exert to pacify ME... :( My bad... so in an act of penance, i made him peanut and chicken congee (mmm..... reminds me of times when i fall sick and mom makes that)
I guess girls are like that. It's not an excuse but all girls get days like that don't they? days when they feel lumpy and frumpy... days where they just want to curl up and the world to disappear... and it's nice when you have punching bag boyfriends on those days... boyfriends that can take the hit and come bouncing back like a Bu Dao Wong =)
he says i'm childish. *hrmph*
*stomps feet and flops on ground, kicking heels into the floor*
someone once said, not too long ago "but i really love you and sometimes i make mistakes"
Friday, April 07, 2006
We brought Peter and Niki out last night for a feast at Musashi. The germans had never had proper sushi and sashimi before and wanted to find out what it was like. After dinner, we headed of to an irish pub "paddy maguire" for a coupla of beers and then off to Bar Broadway for more beers and pool.
Peter =)
Don't be fooled by his goofy camera face. Niki is really cute with ashy blonde hair and bluish eyes. Jol's ethan hawke is *grimace* no where near in comparison.
Ian looking suave
marty looking chinky-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been a good girl at work. Instead of spending the better part of my mornings furiously blogging away, I have have been hard at work. I've realised that my days are too short. I need my full 8 hours of work to get things done and any slacking off on my part only serves to cause me more grief when I bring work home or work on the weekends.
anyway, life has been slow and mundane and I have nothing much to lament about i suppose
although the other day, I did have a moment of inspiration, reminiscent of my former self.
whilst on my way to work, sitting on the bus, and thinking about stuff as you do on long bus journeys, I wondered when was the precise moment I realised I had fallen in love.
and it was the feeling, when I woke up one morning and felt like I wanted to do so much for this person but yet, everything that I felt i could do for him would not ever be enough to show him how much i felt for him, which lead to the epiphany that I am in love.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Poor ol mart was sick this morning. He had been tossing and turning in bed since the wee hours of dawn as he felt nauseous. All my attempts to get him to stick a couple of fingers down his throat to clear his system and make himself feel better was futile and he stubbornly refused to puke. when i asked him why he said he just didn't want to. where's the reason in that? if you feel sick, you puke.
anyway he suffered...
after a couple of hours when he roused me with his tossing once again, i tried telling him to retch it out saying I would help him and relief this time when he leapt out of bed and said ok. i sleepily got up and slowly pattered to the bathroom behind him but before i got there, i already heard him heaving away loudly...
literally bleah...
after some back stroking and more heaving, he was done. gave him a warm towel to wipe his face and a mug of warm water and voila, he was good as new and back with a vengence, behaving like an idiot, shaking his huge womanly ass at me. It made me laugh. =)
Finally, and quite suddenly too, he declared he was off to bed to sleep for another 12 hours and tottered off to bed, leaving me, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, to my own devices (where devices i mean laptop) and so i was finally able to get some blogging done.
oh something else note-worthy...
I told mart that I have been getting alot of responses for my online dating account and told him to check out the men that have been saying hi to me. He went online and read out the profiles of each of them and decided one of them sounded fun and sent a response back so we could be friends. I read that guy's profile a few days later and realised one thing. Mart and I had the same "taste" in men. That sounded good at first but then it actually is quite worrying since Mart does sounds quite faggoty when he tries to say "chey"... i wonder if his sexual identity is suspect *strokes chin*
anyway, back to the online dating guy... Self-deprecating humour is always good and I guess that was what stood out in his profile. the rest were either too boring, too short, too ugly or too old...
so anyway, this online dating guy dropped me an email giving me his msn details and now, he's on my list and chatting with me. I've just told him I have a boyfriend and I wonder if he's disappointed because he's wasted credits sending me and email... i hope not because he does sound like a person i'd like to be friends with.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Don't like snobs... especially social class snobs
Hate em...
With a vengence...
They make me feel icky...
Make me feel small...
Even though their snobbery is hardly ever directed at me,
And that's more because people are rarely snobbish to your face
but it sickens me to think that perhaps,
others could be laughing behind my back at me too...
But what really annoys me is
What gives them the right to be snobbish anyway?
Because they live in a nicer area?
Because they studied in better schools?
Because they look better? have more money? are smarter?
pppffft...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hate em...
With a vengence...
They make me feel icky...
Make me feel small...
Even though their snobbery is hardly ever directed at me,
And that's more because people are rarely snobbish to your face
but it sickens me to think that perhaps,
others could be laughing behind my back at me too...
But what really annoys me is
What gives them the right to be snobbish anyway?
Because they live in a nicer area?
Because they studied in better schools?
Because they look better? have more money? are smarter?
pppffft...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, April 03, 2006
i've been trying to write this blog entry like 5 times but i never get round to completing or saving it so it just gets lost in cyberspace. i'm getting tired of doing this over and over again so i'm just gonna give highlights of my birthday weekend which went really really well, all things considering.
Act I. eve of bday.
marty falls asleep before midnight and after midnight, i wake him up by thumping my index finger repeatedly on the tip of his nose so he can wish me a happy bday. i get sulky because he barely manages a grunt and right then, i decide not to celebrate my bday at all...
--> I'm afterall a girl and it's my prerogative to throw girl tantrums as and when i like to.
Act II. Morning of bday
wake up feeling much better about bday, decide not to go in to work. had breckie with marty in verandah. beautiful morning. chilly weather
Act III. Noon of bday
Lunch with beat, ee lin, sang, marty and some other colleagues. Sang passed me my bday party pack and i knew my bday was gonna be cool no matter how shitty the rest of the day turned out. this was sydney and nothing was gonna stop me. ROCK ON!!
Act IV. afternoon of bday.
persuaded beat to go shopping with mart and myself. went to oxford street where shopping is expensive but figured "hey it's my bday!!".... wanted to do major damage to bank account but barely managed a scratch. Darn... beat on the other hand was on a roll... t'was still great fun trying on weird caps, sunnies and clothes... lesson learnt: marty looks gay in a tilted cap.
Act V. evening of bday
invited beat over for simple dinner of puttanesca and angel hair.
Act VI. after dinner
wanted to give beat lift home but she said she needed to digest and wanted to stay a while longer... thought... "OK... weird for beat to say so considering boyfriend was waiting for her to bring dinner home and how would staying on at my place help digestion anyway"... ended up watching dumb video clips of the net. (please see www.angryaliens.com and www.youtube.com search for mad tv, parody of memoirs of a geisha for entertainment)
finally at around 9ish, thought to self... surely beat wants to go home now and suggested once again that i could send her home... Marty immediately pipes up eagerly "show beat the brokeback moutain bunnies clip!" (see www.angryaliens.com )... thought to self... "ok something is definitely up... can it be more obvious?" Apparently... i lean forward to search for the clip on my laptop and marty and beatrice who are seated on either side of me lean in towards each other and start whispering...
this was my cue to turn around and ask "ok... what the hell is going on"
can't anyone around here get a surprise right i wonder???
they put on their most guilty and sheepish face ever... i don't think they could ever win an emmy for acting... sigh....
so the truth came out,.... amanda was planning a surprise... wahaha... well surprise was on her.
Act VII. Amanda comes....
amanda sms-es mart telling him she's here and to get him to bring her in... mart is a wuss and doesn't tell amanda that i already know about the surprise... i drag beat into the stairwell outside my apartment door and wait for amanda to come so we can jump out and surprise her from behind... amanda, gen, karl and the 2 martins comes with a cake and flaming candles... they open the door slowly and quietly... i spring out from behind and say SURPRISE.... everyone turns around and looks at me... expressionless... my brow furrows and i feel like time has stood still... why aren't they surprised??? i say "surprise" again once more.... this time less enthusiastically and more unsure of myself... everyone springs to life just then and we all have a good laugh as i get birthday hugs from everyone... yay... apparently the estonians were stoned... that explains the lack of emotions...
Act VIII. Exchange hotel
went there for drinks, listen to live band, get wasted... ended early, went home to spend QUALITY time with the love of my life... had a great night with him chatting and bonding, went star gazing, saw bright shiny planet in the sky... fell in love all over again... SHHHWWWEEET!
Act IX. The morning and noon after the big night out
woke up and lazed in bed for 5 hours... i'm amazed... can you fucking believe that?? and we didn't even fall back to sleep... woke at 830 and actually got out of bed at 130 for lunch... went for shanghainese at ashfield... we were sooo famished... guo tie, fried rice and chinese pancakes... yummmmm
Act X. afternoon activities the day after the big night
went to glebe sappho books for great coffee... went walking in the glebe markets... went to park at broadway, played with cute dog that looked like toupee, decided to visit lisa and dom and check Pontoof out... (Pontoof is cute whippet that lisa and dom just got)... brought Pontoof to the park with Dom, played with several dogs.. headed off to mart's place to get tickets for play
Act XI. evening action
took a nap at mart's place, snuggled for a little while in front of heater... brrr.. cold night out. went to seymour theatre to watch play about beastiality -- "the goat or where is sylvia" is the title of the play... had drinks with mart's friend at the rose hotel after that.... and then had dinner at super bowl... hot congee and fried noodles for a cold wintery autumn night... went home, collapsed in bed after a short frolic.
Act XII. Sunday morning...
dragged mart up and met up with amanda for breckie... yay daylight savings... one more hour in the day... went to le petit creme for breakfast. hot viet waitress that victor drooled over still works there... put on a bit of weight though.. but then again doesn't everybody... went shopping in the city after that and put a $50 deposit on a $250 pair of boots.... YESH... finally... got something for meself... Mart buys me a 2nd bday present... a jamie oliver cookbook... Yay!!!! my idol.... i wonder if he is hinting something...
Act XIII. Sunday arvo.
Headed off to manly to meet up with peter... amanda, gen and karl came along... play beach volleyball and soccer... fun fun fun...
Act XIV. Sunday evening.
Sun down, get beers and big out on hungry jacks and cheap chinese cai fan... after dinner and beer guzzling, realised it was only 830pm... what the hell? night's still young so headed back to marty's place where there was tv watching and play station soccer playing... finally called the weekend over at 11~ish... Collapsed into bed at 12 midnight tired but satisfied that the weekend was well spent....
Act I. eve of bday.
marty falls asleep before midnight and after midnight, i wake him up by thumping my index finger repeatedly on the tip of his nose so he can wish me a happy bday. i get sulky because he barely manages a grunt and right then, i decide not to celebrate my bday at all...
--> I'm afterall a girl and it's my prerogative to throw girl tantrums as and when i like to.
Act II. Morning of bday
wake up feeling much better about bday, decide not to go in to work. had breckie with marty in verandah. beautiful morning. chilly weather
Act III. Noon of bday
Lunch with beat, ee lin, sang, marty and some other colleagues. Sang passed me my bday party pack and i knew my bday was gonna be cool no matter how shitty the rest of the day turned out. this was sydney and nothing was gonna stop me. ROCK ON!!
Act IV. afternoon of bday.
persuaded beat to go shopping with mart and myself. went to oxford street where shopping is expensive but figured "hey it's my bday!!".... wanted to do major damage to bank account but barely managed a scratch. Darn... beat on the other hand was on a roll... t'was still great fun trying on weird caps, sunnies and clothes... lesson learnt: marty looks gay in a tilted cap.
Act V. evening of bday
invited beat over for simple dinner of puttanesca and angel hair.
Act VI. after dinner
wanted to give beat lift home but she said she needed to digest and wanted to stay a while longer... thought... "OK... weird for beat to say so considering boyfriend was waiting for her to bring dinner home and how would staying on at my place help digestion anyway"... ended up watching dumb video clips of the net. (please see www.angryaliens.com and www.youtube.com search for mad tv, parody of memoirs of a geisha for entertainment)
finally at around 9ish, thought to self... surely beat wants to go home now and suggested once again that i could send her home... Marty immediately pipes up eagerly "show beat the brokeback moutain bunnies clip!" (see www.angryaliens.com )... thought to self... "ok something is definitely up... can it be more obvious?" Apparently... i lean forward to search for the clip on my laptop and marty and beatrice who are seated on either side of me lean in towards each other and start whispering...
this was my cue to turn around and ask "ok... what the hell is going on"
can't anyone around here get a surprise right i wonder???
they put on their most guilty and sheepish face ever... i don't think they could ever win an emmy for acting... sigh....
so the truth came out,.... amanda was planning a surprise... wahaha... well surprise was on her.
Act VII. Amanda comes....
amanda sms-es mart telling him she's here and to get him to bring her in... mart is a wuss and doesn't tell amanda that i already know about the surprise... i drag beat into the stairwell outside my apartment door and wait for amanda to come so we can jump out and surprise her from behind... amanda, gen, karl and the 2 martins comes with a cake and flaming candles... they open the door slowly and quietly... i spring out from behind and say SURPRISE.... everyone turns around and looks at me... expressionless... my brow furrows and i feel like time has stood still... why aren't they surprised??? i say "surprise" again once more.... this time less enthusiastically and more unsure of myself... everyone springs to life just then and we all have a good laugh as i get birthday hugs from everyone... yay... apparently the estonians were stoned... that explains the lack of emotions...
Act VIII. Exchange hotel
went there for drinks, listen to live band, get wasted... ended early, went home to spend QUALITY time with the love of my life... had a great night with him chatting and bonding, went star gazing, saw bright shiny planet in the sky... fell in love all over again... SHHHWWWEEET!
Act IX. The morning and noon after the big night out
woke up and lazed in bed for 5 hours... i'm amazed... can you fucking believe that?? and we didn't even fall back to sleep... woke at 830 and actually got out of bed at 130 for lunch... went for shanghainese at ashfield... we were sooo famished... guo tie, fried rice and chinese pancakes... yummmmm
Act X. afternoon activities the day after the big night
went to glebe sappho books for great coffee... went walking in the glebe markets... went to park at broadway, played with cute dog that looked like toupee, decided to visit lisa and dom and check Pontoof out... (Pontoof is cute whippet that lisa and dom just got)... brought Pontoof to the park with Dom, played with several dogs.. headed off to mart's place to get tickets for play
Act XI. evening action
took a nap at mart's place, snuggled for a little while in front of heater... brrr.. cold night out. went to seymour theatre to watch play about beastiality -- "the goat or where is sylvia" is the title of the play... had drinks with mart's friend at the rose hotel after that.... and then had dinner at super bowl... hot congee and fried noodles for a cold wintery autumn night... went home, collapsed in bed after a short frolic.
Act XII. Sunday morning...
dragged mart up and met up with amanda for breckie... yay daylight savings... one more hour in the day... went to le petit creme for breakfast. hot viet waitress that victor drooled over still works there... put on a bit of weight though.. but then again doesn't everybody... went shopping in the city after that and put a $50 deposit on a $250 pair of boots.... YESH... finally... got something for meself... Mart buys me a 2nd bday present... a jamie oliver cookbook... Yay!!!! my idol.... i wonder if he is hinting something...
Act XIII. Sunday arvo.
Headed off to manly to meet up with peter... amanda, gen and karl came along... play beach volleyball and soccer... fun fun fun...
Act XIV. Sunday evening.
Sun down, get beers and big out on hungry jacks and cheap chinese cai fan... after dinner and beer guzzling, realised it was only 830pm... what the hell? night's still young so headed back to marty's place where there was tv watching and play station soccer playing... finally called the weekend over at 11~ish... Collapsed into bed at 12 midnight tired but satisfied that the weekend was well spent....
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