A week or two ago, a friend of mine got propositioned by a married guy. She declared however, that she didn't do married men and never would, much to my relief. I mean, however unconventional society has gotten now, I myself would still like to believe in the sanctity of marriage. Especially since going out with Marty and realising that "nice guy" wasn't an oxymoron.

My relief was shortlived.

I don't want to sound like I'm stereotyping Singaporean men, I do acknowledge that decent nice Singaporean men exist (like some of the Singaporean boys in Sydney) but more often then not, Singaporean men are insipid jerks who are never satisfied with their lot.

Anyway, it's strange now being in Sydney and sheltered from the real world by Marty's goodness. It wasn't too long ago that my life was filled by horrible Singaporean men. I'm amazed I can forget how evil and horrible people can be but for now, I can't see how Marty could ever betray me and never even feel a shred of insecurity.

And so, what with my friend's life going slightly askew, I can't help but wonder what's going on in the minds of modern Singaporeans.

I remember not too long ago, when said friend and I were still in uni, a couple of married people around us started having affairs and getting divorced. I think I was going through an emo phase then and such news was definitely not chicken soup for the soul. I was jaded. Said friend was horrified too that her bosses at work were mucking around.

Seriously, which girl grew up having thoughts of leading a life filled with lies, affairs and subterfuge? I think my prince charming dreams were shattered then and we realised that it was something we should never be surprised at because that was what the real world was like.

So, many failed relationships later, however much of Marty's goodness rubs of me and no matter how I can't imagine him cheating on me, even if he did, it wouldn't be that big a blow compared to the first few betrayals. I guess, that's a fine example of jadedness.

But the point that I'm trying to make is not so much how I feel about someone cheating on me but more, what do you say to a friend when they tell you that they've gone and slept with a married man.

Tsk tsk?

Crucify them?

Be supportive like a good friend should? I personally have problems with helping friends down the road to perdition. But maybe, the degardation of societal mores will one day make affairs acceptable. Just like sexual equality and rock and roll. And MAYBE, it is now acceptable, back in Sunny Singapore. Who knows, I may just be out of touch! Ah the relief now washes over me. Suddenly everything makes sense again...... NOT!

Sigh

I'm going to talk about happy things although I don't feel very happy at the moment. In fact, that's the precised reason why I shall only talk about happy things today.

I'm more excited about going to the UK.

Christine sent me an email with my UK work schedule so now I can actually see my name on the London office work schedule. I'm slated to start on the 2 April. That probably isn't going to materialise as I have classes in Sydney on the 1st of April. But things are beginning to feel a whole lot more concrete and I know they want me!

Plus, just received news that there are a whole lot of us in the UK at the moment. Us being NTU graddies who started at PwC Singapore at the same time. In fact, around the period April - June this year, a good 25% of us will be there. How amazing is that?

I've also decided to take next week off. By hook or by crook. I need a break. Desperately.

So that is another plus to look forward to.

So there. My life is OK

another tough day at work for me again.

I've begun to suspect that I may just be really inept at what I do. Why else do I always find myself at the losing end of a tug of war battle, always getting shit from everyone else. Managers, staff, clients...

Today Gillian gave me shit about not getting enough staff on the job and not behaving like a senior and not getting the actuaries to review the actuarial notes. It's not like I haven't been trying to get people on the job. I've been sending emails, calling, sending messages. Wasting half my day coordinating junk like that which I could have put into more productive purposes otherwise. And, she forgot she told me she would sort out the actuarial notes. Sigh

Deadline's tomorrow.

I'm so over all this crap

The sight of financial statements make my skin crawl.

Lately I've been thinking about home quite a bit.

It's been ages since I've gone back proper. The last time was a 4 day 3 nighter in August to celebrate Dad's 60th. And the thing that I tell everyone is that, not going back home for a holiday is actually a good thing because it makes life here a whole lot more permanent.

The less I travel home, the more attached I am to the life here.

At least that's what I feel.

So it's really strange that having not been back home (well barring a pathetic weekend trip), I've suddenly been thinking about home alot.

And random images of Singapore flash through my mind at the oddest of times.

Like just now, I was lying in bed getting ready for sleep and suddenly, in my mind's eye I could see the shelves and shelves of books at borders and remember how it felt to be standing there, usually just browsing to past time before meeting someone else in that area. This image quickly turned into an image of the book cafe in mohd sultan, then little india with it's busy roads and bright colours and then Derrick's place. The last one isn't surprising. Some pretty awesome nights were spent there I must say. Makes me feel so nostalgic, these places feel like they are just minutes away.

Memories are funny things.

Was also chatting with Zhiying today. So much have changed in our lives and we have been half way across the world from each other for maybe 3-4 years now it's hard to keep up. Some people say that good friends will always remain good friends but if people can't even maintain long distance relationships in love, why should friendship be any different?

The worst thing about long distance friendships is that the deterioration is usually too subtle to even realise it has happened until of course the irreversal is done. I'm going to bring up an old cliche to illustrate this point. The only constant is change. People change. Some more so than others of course. Priorities change, sense of humour changes, interests change.

I feel I have changed. Quite dramatically. It's hard to say for the better or worse.

But honestly, at this stage, it's too late to get my knickers into a knot trying to figure out if this change is good or bad for me or whether my life will get better or worse because of it. It feels ok at present but my life does have a tendency to throw me a curve ball whenever I feel a sense of stability.

I guess I must be a pessimist because I always envision these curve balls, no matter how positive they always seem initially, end up with me, a spinster, old and miserable in a studio apartment all alone, withering away.

*shudder*

And London is potentially one of those curved balls.