I was upset with myself this morning.

Upset because I felt fat.

Of late, I've been using the word "prerogative" a fair bit to excuse my insane behavior. Everything insane is a girl's prerogative.

Anyway, feeling fat once in a while is a girl's prerogative. Feeling fat and upset and taking it out on anyone within 2 metres of you is a girl's prerogative.

Feeling fat and upset enough to take it out on your dysenteric boyfriend who happens to be running up a temperature whilst trying to reassure you that you are still as lovely as ever is however just poor behavior.

Thankfully my boyfriend is great most of the time (not so great with car trouble though)

Anyway, from feeling fat, a whole host of other discontentments with my life surfaced... Like feeling pissed off that I haven't been conscious of my spending, like not being adult enough to take care of my paperwork (seriously, paperwork, bureaucracy and red tape will be the death of us all), like letting my life just waste away (mmm... rotting away.... my favourite indulgence).

And the more I thought about how much crap I had in my life, the more I felt helpless. So i flopped myself on my bed and moped my morning away. Which wasn't much help of course but sometimes, wallowing (which is my other favourite indulgence) is a girl's prerogative too.

I knew i was acting like i'd forgot my meds.

Heck, it was a beautiful day outside... the skies were a brilliant blue and the sun was shinning so brightly it would have been hard to feel miserable but Mindy prevailed and managed to put a shadow over herself. Ahhh *pats self on back* I wasn't an ex-depressive all those years for nothing...

Although, in mitigation, I would like to add that in between my moping, i did had flashes of lucidity, albeit short ones. I did try to pull my socks up and put on a cheerful grin. And twice, we almost made it out of the house to enjoy a beautiful day together. Almost...

I'd like to think that it was for the best anyway that we didn't cos the poor boy started running a temperature... maybe it was from all the efforts he had to exert to pacify ME... :( My bad... so in an act of penance, i made him peanut and chicken congee (mmm..... reminds me of times when i fall sick and mom makes that)

I guess girls are like that. It's not an excuse but all girls get days like that don't they? days when they feel lumpy and frumpy... days where they just want to curl up and the world to disappear... and it's nice when you have punching bag boyfriends on those days... boyfriends that can take the hit and come bouncing back like a Bu Dao Wong =)

he says i'm childish. *hrmph*

*stomps feet and flops on ground, kicking heels into the floor*

someone once said, not too long ago "but i really love you and sometimes i make mistakes"