Had dinner with Mart's extended family today at a chinese restaurant in Chatswood. It reminded me of the dinners with my extended family back home... the lazy susan and a round table, relatives all squashed cosily around the table, inane banter about everything from baby names to work and of course, not forgetting, reminscing... plus, great food from crabs to abalone to fish...

even though alot of conversation was lost on me, it was still nostalgic and suddenly, a crazy idea came into my head... i wondered if perhaps I should go back home one day... permanently...

life in Singapore is rather monotonous. There's only so much I can do there. From going to wala's, to shopping at orchard road, bugis or city hall, to having supper... I don't really club much so there goes MOS, MS and zouk... work there is crap too... petty policitics, unreasonable slave drivers and lack of staff welfare. But what Sydney can't give to me that only Singapore can is family...

I wish i had family around me to depend on... they'd be good for calling when I get a flat tyre and an unreliable boyfriend. Cousins would be good for catching up over coffee and having dinners. Nephews and nieces would be good to play with and spoil. Watching them grow up...

and I guess because i was brought up to be filial, a part of me feels I should spend more time with my gran and me folks...

But if i were to be realistic about the possibility of me going home, then I'd admit that would be really low if not impossible.

I've always lamented about how crappy Singaporean men can be... it is so hard to find an agreeable singaporean male whilst living in singapore. Now that I'm away and the ratio of singaporean men to non-singaporean men is so much more unfavourable, i can't imagine how i'd be able to meet a singaporean man whom i'd like and who would be interested in me too...

Plus, i'm already seeing and Australian/irish/chinese

So.... Since i don't think i'd ever go out with a Singaporean again, hence, I'd never be compelled to go home and therefore, i can just kiss my big chinese family dinners goodbye.

i guess i could always ingratiate myself with mart's extended family and live my big chinese "family" dinners vicariously through him and his family... all of them were warm and friendly

cept for Bev who happens to be mart's closest cousin. I think she's my age. call it intuition (although i call it common sense) but i'm pretty sure Bev doesn't like me. the reason is unbeknownst to me. afterall, I've only met her twice but then again, people tend not to need good reasons to dislike one another. All i know is that she made me uncomfortable the first time we met and today, the second time, she didn't say a single word to me (bear in mind, everyone else in the family all seemed excited to meet me), which is just the kind of cold attitude you'd intentionally put on to make someone new to a group feel uncomfortable.

But i'm not the grovelling sort so i'll leave ingratiation to another day.

So for now, i'm family-less in sydney... bleah