the slob

my boyfriend became officially unemployed last friday in order to fulfill his dream of becoming a useless flea ridden bum that plays world of warcraft all day long. where he intends to get his fleas i have no idea.

Anyway, it's our 2 month aniversary. 15th... i completely forgot *ashamed* but he remembered. So he made the "long and arduous" (HE DROVE AND PARKED IN MY OFFICE) journey of travelling down from Chatswood to the city just to have lunch with Moi........

but horrors of horrors, imagine how aghast i was when the lift doors (at my office lobby might i add) parted to reveal my geek of a boyfriend in what looked like the t-shirt he slept in with creases and all of a suspicious looking shade of grey... and to add to the look, a pair of crumply cargos of a similar greyish hue. Did i mention the t-shirt had a stretched collar as well? was this part of his plan to become a flea ridden dirtbag?

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry...

and mostly, i felt like bouncing off the walls...

i gave him a perfunctory hug and pulled away quite quickly... trying to keep a distance

ok i admit... i was embarrassed...

i crossed my fingers and hoped no one who knew me would see me with this living origami...

Noticing the unusual great show of affection on my part, Marty kinda sussed that i wasn't exactly thrilled about his attire and happily declared "hey... i've got hobo gloves in here... let me just put them on..." (hobo gloves think gloves with the fingers cut off)

and... "there's a hole in the underarm of my t-shirt"

*big grin on his face*

Nooooooo i screamed silently... as i gaped at him in disbelief... what was wrong with him or was it me?? (begs the age old question of who is the bigger the loser. The loser himself? or the one that actually likes the loser?)

i swear he probably does this just to get some reaction from me...

woe be to me...

i refuse to look at his armpits and start chanting a little mantra in my head...

"out of sight, out of mind. out of sight, out of mind"

Me: you look like you're wearing the clothes you slept in.

Mart (proudly): I am wearing the clothes i sleep in

Me: No... you slept naked last night

Mart: yeah i usually wear this t-shirt to bed.

Me: How could you wear this out. you're unbelievable

Mart: I was wearing this at home and i was rushing out to meet you so i forgot

Me: Forgot? How could you? Would you rush out in your boxers?

Mart: No... cos i wouldn't be wearing my boxes and walking around at home

Me: and so you would wear cargos and a t-shirt at home but not dress up better to go out.

Mart: Yeah of course. What if a burglar comes? I wouldn't want to be seen in boxers.

Me: Right of course!! (i see the light now... my boyfriend is retarded)

I sighed inwardly and reminded myself of the reasons why i like him... cos he's sweet, cute, tall, smart, funny and he loves me to bits.... but is it enough for me to justify dating a daggy dresser???

so throughout lunch, i refuse to look below his neck. which is really hard when you're dating someone tall... so how do you manage? you stand side by side at traffice lights, keep your eyes focused ahead and think happy thoughts. of course, once seated at lunch, things get a whole lot easier...



a little while later

After i got off work, Mart came by to the city to pick me up again... in the same ghetto get up... and this time...

"i just bladed from Chatswood to Artamon"

Great... now he's sweaty and maybe even stinky to boot...

i narrow my eyes at him, shake my head and stare at the road straight ahead...

after dinner, i try to make him see my point of view...

Me: Ok... imagine if you were working in the city right? and i came in to meet you for lunch dressed in my PJs.... How would you feel?

Mart: that'd be cool

Me: What would your colleagues think?

Mart: See, in IT it's different

In my head i silently curse the IT profession and their unwritten rule about wearing crappy clothes to work

Me: What if you had to wear shirts and pants to work? and i turned up in PJs

Mart: They'd go "COOL!! you have a girlfriend!! we just play computer games"

I couldn't help but laugh although images of him bending over so i could kick his arse popped in my head.

But just when i thought he couldn't get any worse, he out does himself my showing me the tear in his t-shirt...

Might i add, he did so with pride...

it's so big you could fit a fist in... yet he doesn't see what's wrong

yeeeeeeeeaaaaggghhhhhhhhh.................

Someone kill me puh... leaseeeeeeee.........