The "Z" monster

i got woken up in the middle of the night to a weird wooshy noise... it sounded not too different from a whale's blowhole. Or the sound of air being expelled from pursed lips.

*ppppffffffff*

I tried to ignore the disturbance but i could feel myself slowly rising from my slumber...

*uurrgghhh..........*

i grunted irritably at the oaf next to me...

the only response i got, more blowing.....

i slapped my hand feebly at the beached whale....

the blowing stopped.....

I felt relief....

ahh..... back to slumberland....

dozing..... dozing.....

*pppppfffff*

Damn!!!

try ignoring.....

"sleep.. sleep..." i tell myself

as if in defiance, a couple of superbly loud blows......

*PPPPPFFFFFF*

*PPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFF*

arghh.............

i resort to violence of the prodding, shoving and toe jamming nature but the beast could not be aroused.

finally....

i implored, "babeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... i can't sleeep!!!"

and it goes, "I can't help it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (and he denied any recollection of this the next day)

from a tip i got off a website on how to date geeks, it mentioned the best way to communicate with a geek is via emails... so the next morning, i send him this...


On 15/03/06, Mindy Chia wrote:

To whom it may concern,

I'm writing in to complain about noise disturbance that I experienced whilst in the midst of my slumber last night.

I was rudely awoken by strange whooshing noises that were reptitive and quite loud. They seem to have come from this huge and cumberous form lying next to me. Any form of prodding, shoving and toe jamming of the source failed to stop said noise pollution and it was hard for me to fall back to sleep.

Can you kindly see what can be done about this.

Much appreciated

and his reply?

From :
Martin Butler
Sent :
Tuesday, March 14, 2006 11:12 PM
To :
"Mindy Chia"

Subject : Re: noise disturbance



Dear Mademoiselle,

I understand your concerns and will take steps to see that the culprits are suitably punished. I am as surprised as you are that toe jamming of the source failed to solve the problem, as this works in 99% of the world's problems (our push to cure world hunger through toe jamming is progressing apace of projections). What time were you rudely awoken by this cur? We will endeavour to keep you up to date on actions taken in this matter.

Yours with concern,

Hon. Martin Butler MP